Say hello to my little blog | IRIS Anti-Money Laundering
As far back as I could remember, I always wanted to be a gangster an accountant...
We get it. Every so often you like to think to yourself that you could’ve made it as a Goodfella. Above the law, respected and feared by friend and foe alike; making people offers they can’t refuse and taking matters into your own hands should a refusal be forthcoming.
But, let’s face it, most of us prefer the quiet life.
We like our walks to the shop for a pint of milk to be uneventful trips, unladen by the nagging fear of being on the business end of a methodically timed ‘hit’.
And who wants to wake up to a horse’s head first thing in the morning, anyway? The faces we wake up to now are alarming enough without bringing a decapitated stallion into the mix, thank you very much.
No, we think we’ll pay our taxes, settle our quarrels peacefully and abide by the laws of the land like good, model citizens.
What’s that? You couldn’t agree more? Well then, you’re in luck!
What better way to commit to a path of moral integrity than with professional accounting software that ensures you’re not dealing with any ‘Fat Tonys’ of your own?
IRIS Anti-Money Laundering (AML) enables accountants, solicitors and other regulated businesses to perform all aspects of compliance recording and monitoring.
With the right AML tools in place you’ll be prepared for any new legislation that comes into effect, such as that currently being proposed by Theresa May in the wake of the Panama Papers scandal.
Other key features include:
Know Your Client (KYC)
Monitor exactly how many assassinations clients have been responsible for, the amount of weapons in their cache, the percentage of tax they’ve avoided paying and the number of kilos of suspiciously packaged “talcum powder” they’re importing. If the answer to any of the above is greater than zero, you may want to think about terminating your client relationship. (N.b. “Termination” may mean one thing to you and another to your client.)
Track Staff Training & Awareness
Do you have an informant in your ranks leaking your private info to his Don? Our advice: wear a wire at all times to record any incriminating conversations, that way you can turn the tables should they attempt to blackmail you. What could go wrong?
Download/Search Treasury Sanctions
IRIS AML has an automated Electronic Sanctions/PEP (Politically Exposed Persons) check and also features multiple lists, including the HM Treasury list, OFAC, etc., so you can stay abreast of the ways in which your clients might suffer if any of their dealings are revealed to be shady. HM Treasury even provide a handy list of asset freeze targets subject to financial sanctions. Now might be a good time to try out that CTRL+F function on your keyboard...
SWAT UK Limited Technical Reference Manual
Contrary to popular belief, this is not (nudge-nudge) a manual designed to teach you the primary methods of self defence and firearm handling should the worst case scenario arise; i.e. you become embroiled in full-on criminal warfare. Repeat: THIS MANUAL WILL NOT TEACH YOU HOW TO WIELD NUNCHUCKS WHILST BLINDFOLDED* (wink-wink).
And much more…
Our AML software boasts a range of additional functions to benefit your business (unless your clients are all MPs, in which case you won’t be needing it). Rather than elaborate on them, we’re going to suggest that, should you suspect any of your clients to be of the nefarious kind, you spend the next few minutes making your way to a safe house. Said client has likely bugged your broadband and is well aware that you’ve visited this webpage (yes, and that one...), and may even have seen through the craftily veiled subtext of the previous bullet-point.
An offer you can’t refuse
Should you be fortunate enough to survive the ordeal, celebrate by visiting the AML section of our website.
There, you’ll find out all you need to know about our best-of-breed technology, including how it removes both the stress of compliance and multiple overheads from your practice without compromising quality, enabling you to achieve new economies of scale.
DISCLAIMER: IRIS Anti-Money Laundering software cannot reveal the specific business transactions of your clients, either legal or illegal. What it can do is assess client risk & document KYC info; identify non-compliant clients to help you bring them up-to-date; provide an electronic ID verification system & staff training to ensure you’re fully compliant at all times. *Nunchucks not included.